Last night major winds hit our part of Texas, and tore off chimneys of our apartment building. Thankfully my family and I were not even there, and our chimney made it through. We were out shopping during the storm, in Wal-Mart, haven of the middle-class. God protected our children from the scare they would have had, had we been there. As it was they were pretty disturbed. Last night I also had to finish a quilt for my baby sister who is getting married on Saturday.
Last night I fell apart because I realized that I'm losing my little sister.
Last Christmas when my sister's boyfriend proposed, my mother, (other) sister and I hatched a plan to make a wedding quilt for the couple (well - really for the bride). We all made different blocks and my (other) sister made sashing and it was my job to piece the whole thing together.
We finally got the kids to bed ("Don't worry no more chimneys will fall down"). And it was time to sew. I was still pretty strung out - adrenaline-drained. So I played a little MarioKart. Then the dishwasher really needed to emptied. Then I really needed to pack for the trip to the wedding site. Then I realized I was stalling.
I quit that and went and pinned the second to last seam (I was really close to finishing) and tried to think about why I was stalling finishing the top of the quilt we'd been working on for six months. I realized that on some level I didn't want to finish because I was worried she wouldn't like it. I was worried they would use the quilt too roughly, or wash it improperly, or use it as a dog bed.
I was afraid to let it go.
Circumstances in our upbringing led to my always feeling responsible for her. I've tried and tried to let go lately (since she graduated from high school) and thought I had succeeded quite well.
I had succeeded in not giving her nearly as much advice, and not trying to keep her from ever making a mistake - emotional, spiritual, navigational. I think I secretly felt that I could justify ALL my mistakes in life if they served to keep my baby sister from making the same ones. Like, I tried life first, and I can tell her which way to go now.
Well it hit me that she's getting married and this REALLY has to stop being my job now. I REALLY have to let her go and do her thing and make her own mistakes and trust the Lord, that he will look after his daughter.
I was afraid to let her go.
Fortunately I had finished pinning the seam by the time I started crying.
Situations like this (11:30pm, crying, sewing) usually call for a Dr. Pepper and a prayer.
Feeling more soothed, I sewed the seam.
Then I went back to MarioKart.
I won a silver cup.
Then I finished the quilt. Pinned the last seam. Sewed the last seam. Ironed the last seam. Letting go.
Now granted we still have to quilt the thing. So this whole metaphor falls apart at this point. But maybe the year I take quilting the top can be the year I learn REALLY to let go of her.Sister Mine.
Then I'll let go of the quilt too.
But maybe I'll enter it in a show first. And if you want pictures let me know.